Red Delicious! (Musing Apple Varieties)

I just heard Granny Smith yell out to McIntosh...."Little apple dumplin' didn't fall too far from the tree! I'll just roll on over there and give that little feller some homemade cinnamon applesauce." Uncle Ben Davis peeks over his bowl of Captain Kidd and exclaims "Ah, Mama, it's still early harvest and his Mother, you know Priscilla, the one men call the pink lady. Remember her-- she wears that yellow dress with the polka dot puffy sleeves? They say she's a real rome beauty, got all that red wealthy, old family money. Shes not much on company. I hear her husband's not round. He's a real wine sap who got into his yellow newton and took off real fast screamin' somethin' about a goldrush way over yonder in Gloucester county. Yep, took off yellin' and screamin' discovery! while poppin the top on another twenty ounce. We all thought Lord Lambourne! and raced to find Doc Hogg. Poor fella, still thinks he's Jonathan some kind of northern spy." "Stop that right now!" Granny said. "You just have yourself another bowl of Delicious while I go get ready for the gala of the season. I'm gonna put on my Sunday best and dance the waltz with old Lord Nelson. Were gonna ride off into the sunset sippin' Canada Red."
Uncle Ben Davis just shook his head. He knew Granny Smith had stories to tell, stories that would make the maidens blush. He stepped onto the porch and sat in his favorite rocker. Back and forth, dreaming of Edith Smith and their trip to Fiji, where he was careful not to get a sunburn on his benoni. He remembered smoothees shared and felt like blushin golden.